Holly vs Willow
Holly is hot and aimed at a person. Willow is cold and aimed at life in general. Jealousy against bitterness.
Holly
Jealousy, suspicion and the hard feelings that come from feeling shut out
Willow
Bitterness and resentment, the feeling that life has been unfair to you
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Why they get muddled
Both are the hard feelings nobody enjoys admitting to, and both turn other people's good news sour. Both usually come with some shame about feeling this way at all, so it is worth saying plainly: this is ordinary, and there is a remedy for it precisely because it is so common.
The differences
What it is aimed at
Holly
A person. Someone specific, and usually someone close.
Willow
Life, circumstances, the general run of things.
Temperature
Holly
Hot. It flares.
Willow
Cold. It settles in and stays.
The thought behind it
Holly
They have something that should have been mine.
Willow
I have worked harder than any of them for less.
What you do
Holly
Snap, suspect, replay the slight.
Willow
List what has gone wrong, and refuse sympathy because it feels like pity.
Which one to pick
Choose Holly if
- Other people's good news leaves you feeling flat or sour
- You feel suspicious of motives without much evidence
- Small slights stay with you far longer than they should
Choose Willow if
- You feel life has treated you unfairly
- You catch yourself listing everything that has gone wrong
- Sympathy feels like pity and you would rather not have it
What if both sound right?
One often turns into the other. A specific jealousy that goes unaddressed for long enough tends to cool into a general sense of unfairness, so both fitting is a sign of how long it has been going on rather than a contradiction.
Common questions
What if the unfairness is real?
It very often is, and that is what makes Willow difficult. The remedy is not about deciding you were wrong. It is traditionally associated with moving from what has been done to you toward what you can do next, and most people say that is where the relief actually comes from.
Is Holly for anger?
For the anger that comes from feeling shut out, yes. If the worry is about losing control of your temper rather than the feeling itself, Cherry Plum is the closer match. If it is impatience at slowness, that is Impatiens.
Keep narrowing
The pairs closest to this one, if neither of these two turns out to be it.
HollyvsBeech
Holly burns and Beech grates. If there is a person and a feeling with heat in it, that is Holly. If it is everybody and everything and it never quite reaches anger, that is Beech.
GentianvsGorse
Gentian is discouraged and can be talked round. Gorse has stopped expecting anything and does not want the pep talk. Gorse is the same feeling, further along.
GentianvsMustard
Ask yourself why. If you can answer, it is Gentian. If you go looking for a cause and there is genuinely nothing there, it is Mustard.
GorsevsWild Rose
Gorse has tried and lost hope. Wild Rose stopped trying a while ago and does not mind much either way. Gorse still hurts underneath. Wild Rose has stopped feeling much at all.
Still not sure?
Read both profiles in full, or start from the feeling and let the quiz narrow it for you.